Haha! A lot has happened so many turmoils and fun that had passed! The days were both awesome and sucks ass but nevertheless, I am here: Alive and Blogging ;)  So I would like to tell you my story for the week. A lot of things has happened, lots of morals to be learned, values to keep and memories to cherish. Get ready! XD

CG Overdrive! Not much detail to place right now (since time is too short XD) But the trip there was lovely and fun. We got to be independent completely (but with our parent's money :>). All of us agreed that its so much better there for thousands of reasons than Philippines and most of us wants to work there already. The air just feels so fresh and the environment feels so free and safe. Mahn, to actually get that much... I'm so wanting to go there again. 89 The Conference had a lot of opportunities and lessons. which was totally helpful in my "to-be-profession" So It was a worth it thing than cancelling the actual trip for a non-lethal-virus-which-is-so-overrated-by-people. Oh! Thank God for the A1H1N1 virus penetrating CSB for no classes :> But no thanks to a certain fail plan person who is a total (FAT) JERK. 

Now to start with the Friend Siopao's discrimination case. Tataguin nalang naten cya sa pangalang "Chieagknou Whashckaurn."
This prof was really nice to/at the start. He was really talented and skilled, patient and calm. I learned to love and to treasure his lessons because he had the ability to back his lessons up. I paid attention to his classes and all his lectures, it was nice. I learned something  that I see as a useful skill in the subject that he teaches and might be in future needs of it.
Sadly after a huge (and fun) "event"(petain to event above). He suddenly changed attitude on some people. Anyway he started to have a different attitude and facial expression to the two of us (Me and a redhaired girl) and he started giving VERY negative and unreasonable criticizm to our work. Never naming what needs to be fixed but telling us our worked sucked. This obviously is really unprofessional and uncalled for. Weird...
Anywho to sum things up, we filed a Grievance against him that went terribly well. We had all the back up we can get from our friends (Love you guys :) ) and some concrete proof of his immature actions and false accusations and claims.... and when we had a meeting with the dean and chairman, He got OWNED big time :) (But without debate of clarificassions and points. :( )
All went well for us after. We got our midterms extended and a new prof which is very kind to us and had a light aura feel. I missed that, Me and my friend missed that. It was nice to have that feel in a subject again compared to a fat aura that seemed to crush you because of pride pressure.

ONomnomnom....

2nd -> OVERNIGHT @ BEA's! :D
Damn that was a event to remember! LAFTRIP! Sa sobrang boring pumunta kami sa "for kids use only" na playground! At chempre, nag seesaw at swing lang kami! WOHOO~! Then => Mahal ng pool kaya nag basaan nalang gamit ang hose sa garahe! In case of hunger which we are after the wetting 2 30" pizza for the winnar! BUSOG! ....Oh! Oh! I loved the "Carlo Card Game" also(thankfully, i never got drunk)! PLUS my first mate was awesome. Haha! Siya pa nagsisi napinili nya ako XD (taguin na natin sa pangalang "Bea Portillo" AKA may ari ng bahay) Then the pancit canton! Mahn ang labo ng lasa! Pero maanghang! HAHA! papak mode bebeh! And about the night singing, I wasnt able to join cause I needed to sleep early because of church.... and because of that they sang a burial song for me :| Demn. Buti nalang nagising ako agad bago nila ako tuluyang lokohin. Haha~ Tapos ayun, nagkantahan sila nalang sa loob ng house ng mga african, bumbay at afghan na "Happy Birthday" and "Cup of Lust"(dont ask me about the title of the 2nd.) and played some other card games like "bullshit." I was asleep. Pagising gising lang kumabaga XD  Last but not least: "Belated Happy Birthday Bea" :)

3.5 ako sa 3D! Haha! I Aus si sir Gao! Pressure style of teaching! EFFECTIVE! WOOHOO~! Talagang gumanda ang skills namin unexpectedly kung ano ano na namomodel namin because of the stress he gives us.... Now, I'm not sure whether to thank him or get mad at him. He was once a student of CSB so he should know what we are going through...  He even said that one of our not-midterms activity is already our finals. WTHeck. :| Oh well, what's good is that we improved. ALOT compared to other classes. Ok I made up my mind, Thanks a bunch Sir! XD

Last but not least: I LOVE MY CELLGROUP! HAHA! I love the similarities in character, So we can all relate to each other's problem now and then and how we can support each other in times of trouble. Its amazing how God can  use people and just make things right when you dont expect it. The message my leader talked about was stress and schedules, which are my main problems right now (and looks like it will be for a long time). The funny and nice thing is that, it seems to hit me right on the spot when he started to elaborate details about that subject matter. Plus I love the help topics on how I might improve in the example of Jesus. I love how God speaks to other people, its amazing. :) Anyway, after the session, CHARBROILED BURGER Dinner! :D SARAP ng WASABE BURGER // SAMURAI! WIN! Thanks to Tim for telling it to me. ;) Speaking of Tim, I never knew our cellgroup had CSB students so it made the session better since there are people that can relate to me. Funneh. MMA and 107 rin. XD

Ok its 1am now. Gnight Peeps and have a sweet sleep and a happy wake up. :) Noodles~
(I shall add some stuff next time I log in ;)

I've just received the yearbook of our batch, and I was really excited to have a look of our batch's descriptions and shots. I really nagged my lil’ sis to deliver me that thick pile of paper to me so I could see what it looked like, but as soon as I opened that book I realized... I hated my high school life.

*I think most people that are close to me know that I never really liked my high school life. So, obviously, I didn’t like the thought of looking at it.

Reading that book gave me the chills and the worst vibe of my life. All the bad memories suddenly came back to life, and oh how i felt the heebeejeeves at that time. I hated how that school was ran, especially when Mr. Tiu started to run that place. I liked how Ms. Yao used to govern that little kingdom of hers. But because of the change in the principal, that school started to be more of a college than a Christian school. Frankly, I think that school is only "for show." There were never much of deep Christian values in that place; all it had was a name. Flame me, and I wouldn’t careless. I loved some of the people I met in that place but that institution sucks ass.

*Bitter? Yeah. I am bitter about a lot of things about that school. Some of which are: my classmates, the administration, some teachers, and the system (education, policies and discipline).

BTW I would like to give kudos to the yearbook team because of the effort they placed in that yearbook. I loved the cover page of the item.

You know, one thing really irritating about being an MMA is you critique every work in your field. Sorry guys but I can’t help giving feedbacks about your work. 

As I can see, the class pictures have a lot of blur factor in it, is this the fault of the layout artist or the photographer? I mean, you can't even recognize the faces in that image. The pictures were transformed too little that it’s not really good for the image itself, all you can see are body and a round face on top of it, the details in side of the head are unrecognizable. This is one yearbook that had a really bad image quality for those who are not in the graduating year. 

The printing was cheap. I can get better quality that this with the price that we pay. The school should know how to balance between quantity and quality especially when they are about to print something that has much sentimental value for people. One thing that sucked badly in this school is that they overprice products that they sell while they look for something really cheap when buying it.

The cover did not jive with its content. The cover really piqued my interest since it looked really unique. But the inside layout design was not really... nice. I give thumbs up to the cover designer since it really looked professional; sadly, the succeeding factor was not able to match the standards of the book. This piece of art is a very sarcastical implementation for 'don’t judge a book by its cover."

PS I know I can't do better than what you guys did at that time so hands down I give you two thumbs up.

A little background of me and my past is that I grew up in a protective environment. I lived in a Christian family, attended a Born-Again Christian church, and went to a Christian School. I lived in a utopia, where the evils in this world are very less or the magnitude of actions are never that intense: robbery, violence, profanity, and lust.
 
I was raised as a Born-Again Christian kid, following all the morals of the said relationship and making sure i try to obey them with a willing heart. I've had my ups and downs but even though I have stumbled in some cases, I've learned my lesson in them. Everyone makes mistakes. What's important is that you come back and learn to let go of that bondage or from that mistake.
 
1John 1:9 says: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
 
In this life, there are lots of events that will be happening, some in your favor, some are not but nevertheless you will react in both instances. There are things that are meant to happen and/or expirience as said in Romans 8:28
 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Even though it was really painful for you in the present there will always be a purpose for your pains, and it is to make you a better person in the future.
Jeremaiah 18:4 says: "But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him."

God will always know what's best for us and I believe in that.

Immorailty: Something that is so taken for granted in this time, its visibility is as prominent as colors is to our vision. I was shocked on how easy it is to perform this era of "Freedom ."

Sexual Immorality.

I know people who have indulged themselves in this.

Yes, Its not necessarily 100% shocking to me because of the prominence of this disgusting action, I was just grieved on how someone I know were able to do it and after, is proud of it.

I know that what they did is just as grave as me telling a lie or as i am to dishonor my parents....

James 2:10 says: "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

But the thing that I hate most about in what they did is that they are proud of it. They are PROUD of commiting such act. I dont mind if pleasuring yourself makes you feel proud or good because you're not affecting anyone but once you gain it from another person's dignity, that's different. Even though you say that it is their decision that they continue to pursue that humiliating career, it is still just because there are people like you who hunger for those service that keep them in that state. Degrading a female should never be something that would boost your ego or something to be proud of. Fucking a woman whoever that is, is just like having sex with your sister. Doing that to another woman is just as good as doing that with your female friends. If you'd accept that: you are disgusting.

If you do it with a woman, It's like you have no regard for every woman in the world. Dont tell me that she is different, that you love her more than that prostitute. That prositute and your she one are no different from the inside. They are both females with feelings, emotion, and dignity. Do that with a slut, and you might as well fuck her and leave her to the dogs after, 'see if you can stand the sight.

Rev 21:8 says: "But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

I respected both of them. I respected both their character and admired both their talents. I looked up to them. Both of them made a great impact in my life, and I'll never forget that. and I thank them for that. But because of this happening, I guess I was just disappointed... really disappointed. Their reputation to me will never be the same again. I never thought they could do such a thing. I thought they were different. But most of all I'm especially disappointed with one of them who claims to have a high standard, who claims to be something that he's not. I hope something will happen that will change both their attitude forever.
 
You will always be a friend in my circle, but for this moment, I'm not sure what you are to me.

So yeah, CSB decided to cancel classes. Atlast?! Although I have to say that it was kinda late and so.... were all expecting to say goodbye to our term break :/ but atleast we get excused at the Singapore cg overdrive days :D awesome ;)

And speaking of Singapore CG Overdrive, I guess I'm more scared than excited. I'm worrying about a lot of stuff 'specially when I'm in a trip far away from my family. death, plague, catastrophe just keeps filling my mind even if i try to remove it. Hopefully, I'll be able to forget this event. I'm just want to have peace.

I left home smiling with all the goodness in life, my home is still in tact, my family complete, and I am healthy. I couldnt ask for anything more... and I didnt want anything less either.

I went home smiling with all the jokes and the expiriences from school with my friends, I had a goodtime going home with my busmate bea. I smiled. But I never imagined I would live to hear this.

My dad has a Cyst in his Kidney. We're not sure what its effects are or what its outcome might be but our family is devastated by this medical result. We dont want my dad to have a grave status. We love him, I love him dearly. He's a great dad and I wish to atleast let him expirience my gratitude when I have grown old enough to get my own income. I have great plans for him in the future. I want to repay his kidness and generosity to me. I want him to relax after all he has done for me since childhood, I want him to feel welcomed to this world.

Guys, please pray for my dad. I dont want to lose him just yet. I know everyone will have his/her time, but I still want to ask God for a little more time with him. Please pray for the healing of my dad. I can't stand the fact that he bears such a great burden and he still doesnt want us to worry about him.

My dad's the best dad ever, and he's all I could ever ask and so much more. I love him. He can never be replaced by anyone. He's unique in so many ways... He's my dad.

--"Tampo"--
You know those moments where you feel you are being ignored by everybody? that you presence there is just another use of space? Yeah, I know it sounds emo. So, let me put it this way: Do you remember when you were a kid and you always want the attention of your parents? or even just other people? It seems very pleasing for them just to look at you and tell you that what you did was great... I felt like that just before. I felt... Quiet.

There's always a target person or a target reply that you want to recieve specially when you are about to break a silence. This is factual. So in my case, most of the time, I really want someone to acknowledge my presence, 'specially when it comes to the special person. I want him/her to see me and atleast chat with me more of the time that not. I want them to give me a moment of their time and their attention. In short, "nagtampo ako kanina." I know its a little childish but this is the part where I can't suppress it. Thankfully, Today they were able to give their replies to my "kspness" and I was glad. I smiled.


--Thinking of a Theme--
On another note: I really need to create a theme since my LJ is too boring. First i need a good header for my design. I think Imma draw one tonight before I go to sleep :D Then next is the coding. I'll leave the coding after the design. I dont want my design to look like its lacking something ;)

--Today's Report--
This Morning I went to a Photoshoot with Bea! It was... weird since I was not really good with the theme "kid" plus the fact that I am shy around other people. So, I had a hard time doing free poses and showing a free me. *With the group is Pauee and Zach. Oh, Pau and Bea need a little lesson about lighting setups, thankfully zach was there to correct the stuff so I can just sit around and lay my ass off on Sir Ed's glorious chair. Oh btw, although sir Ed gave me a bad grade, He was a really great prof. He looks very welcome and ok with the idea that I am there plus he helps both bea and pau, guiding them for easier steps.

--CSB Rant--
--Weather Version + Swine Flu--
Good Fudge! CSB has all the signs that you want that says "CANCELLATION OF CLASSES" and yet they still continue... what do they think we're titans?! I mean rain and shine + swine flu is a really not healthy environment to go to you know... plus the fact that were walking on a polluted street. Lots of students are getting sick with fever, coughs and colds. Don't they have the sympathy to atleast give us a break? Goodness! I wish they'd atleast think about the fact that some of the students doesnt have cars so we can't prevent getting soaked and scorched by the weather.

PS. Pag asa says its just a "low pressure area" >_>

2nd thought: Why is everyone panicing over swine flu? Swine flu has a 1-2% fatality rate! and that is if you just ignored the sickness else it should be cured after a while. AND when you have enough metabolism swine flu wont infect you! Just drink lots of vitamin C! It's a 100% prevention for pete sake! Filipinos are too paranoid over such a little thing that it makes it annoying. Specially when they have to cancel out trips that we all have been excited for.

--Singapore Trip--
Yes people. The singapore trip has been canceled, we are not attending the long awaited CG Overdrive event since the school frets that we may get infected. Well yeah the fact that the school makes all the students stay up late at night or worse, without sleep to do for their projects does decrease their resistance A LOT and now, they do not want to be held as responsible. This is really a great reason to witheld the privilages that we are supposed to have as a school sponsored event. Great, just great.

Well to start with: I find the swineflu case of the DLSU very interestingly bittersweet. Strangely though I feel week and my eyes are gettin weary. Hmmmm....?
Thinking about the situation a friend of mine namely Bea was able to change my perspective of the said situation. yeah, its true that the 10 day break was awesome but think about how the college would make up for all those absences O_O either no breaks or worse: no sunday breaks. I guess having a no 10 day break in CSB is a little good that getting that idea. I rememberd then on how we suffered due to too many breaks, CSB decided to cut us short of our holidays and sundays. Imagine going to school on your church day and family day? Sucks right?

On another note, I felt loved today -- and for the week. Everyday I arrive at school I'm always greeted with smiles and waves. I recieved a lot of smile and smug from my friends, pokes, tugs and hugs. It feels heart-warming just to see people acknowledge your presence. I may not show it directly but i loved every bit of it, even a smile makes my day great. I love it when people tug and hug me specially, it sounds fetishy but yeah. I like it. Oh! and also I think I kinda got over my old crush. its a bittersweet end but I think this is for the better. I love the feeling of freedom and peace in the tidal emotions inside of me.

Plus! I want to make a bussiness badly. I want to earn a money for my own so I can buy stuff and not depend on my parents always. Also, i think i need a new pare of theme for my social sites. :/ Oh, and I'm planning on changing my every name to be in uniform, but I think that part will wait.

So, It's 12:03. I guess I should be sleeping now. G'night people~! (and please dont be 'pilosopo' and say 'its good morning na' >:/)

This was a crazy day, but rather than getting pissed off. I'll go on being an optimist and say "atleast i still have tommorow." :)
So, I was trying to fix my Photoshop cause I "accidentally" installed it again because of some crazy idea that i had and afterwhich when i was finished, when I opened photoshop to start my webdev1 project, I got an error saying "Something prevented the Text Engine" bla bla bla so yeah. I paniced o.o first I tried reinstalling, next is deleting ps cs3 manually. Meaning, I did all the registrey key deletion and stuff and boy.... that was hard and long work XD So anyway this repair took the whole day but nothing worked. then I gave google a shot and guess what?
http://www.ebloggy.net/2009/01/12/adobe-photoshop-cs3-extended-hand-and-text-tool-errors.html
*facepalm*
Lesson learned: Google is the key to everything.
Awesomeness..... I've been beaten

I woke up this morning with a frown on my face and a saddened heart. I dreamt about something that broke my heart, because reality... or God slapped me with something i have ignored or pretended to be non existent.

I dreamt about her... yeah my long time crush -- 11 years and... counting?

I saw her over the mall with some friends, just chilling and relaxing and we talked about things... that came to the subject of our admired people. For some strange reason she knew who I liked and she was smirking over it. I felt scared -- I paniced. Afterwhich all the anxiety she asked me "what can you offer me that no one has?" and then she added "Can you state your relationship ties?" (Weird cause in that life there was such a thing which you had to place your ties over some paper and fulfill it although most of the people doesnt.) She was mean and she pressured me alot. Her attitude was really different from reality and I was scared. I felt like I invested something big on a firm and lost all of it, I felt helpless. Then I realized "Is this God's best for me?" and then in the midst of the pressure and trouble I was able to reflect on that question... then I woke up.

I never felt this confused before... this anxious, this worried and puzzled. I felt like my world crumbled infront of my face with just a dream... It hit me where I never expected it to be. I liked her so much these 11 years but I feel like I'm too distant for her now... too distant for her expectation and quality. I feel like I am not suited for her, I think I'm not for her.

I hope I can recover from this nightmare. I know that in reality she's not like that. She's sweet, caring, beautiful and understanding. She's everything I wanted and so much more but I'm not going to force myself to her though, cause she has so much more better options than me. I hope that I'll never forget that she's the best and for me to never decide to changed that fact.